


Tequila

by Heda_lexa1



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Army, F/F, Fluff, Girl Penis Lexa, Happy Ending, Smut, Soldier Lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-03-12 19:05:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13553679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heda_lexa1/pseuds/Heda_lexa1
Summary: Based on the song "Tequila" by Dan and Shay.Clarke and Lexa are high school lovers, completely obsessed with one another. But, what happens when Lexa randomly disappears and comes back 5 years later to find the love of her life with a small surprise.





	1. "Where'd You Go?"

**Author's Note:**

> If most of you have followed my other story, I am sorry I have not finished it! I have had a huge writers block for the past year, along with life happening. I really hope you guys give this a chance and see where I go with this!

Clarke stared down at Madi, sleeping in her bed, about to wake her up for preschool when the girl’s bright green eyes slowly opened, looking up at her mama.

  
“Morning baby.” Clarke whispered as she lowered her head down to give the 4-year-old a kiss on her forehead.

  
“Morning mama.” Madi replied, yawning.

  
Every day she looked more and more like her, and it was getting harder for Clarke to miss her. She shook her head at the thought, another day.

  
“Come on honey, let’s get some breakfast before we go to school.”

  
Clarke got her girl up, fixed her a bowl of her favorite cereal, Froot Loops of course. Once she was done eating, Madi went to dress herself in a pair of black pants and a black sweatshirt.

  
‘Man, she looks just like her’ Clarke thought to herself as she thought back to the first night she stayed with Lexa back in high school, their junior year.

  
_“Clarke, are you sure your parents won’t be coming home tonight?” Lexa asked worriedly, wondering if they would get caught sleeping over with each other._

  
_“No baby, they’re gone for the entire weekend. They won’t be home until Monday night.” Clarke replied, cuddling tighter into her girlfriend’s side._

  
_“So, I get to stay here tomorrow and Sunday night, too right?” Lexa asked playfully, knowing her parents never paid too close attention to her and her twin sister, Anya. Her mother, Indra, and her father, Gustus, were always working. They were the owners of a huge firm, making millions of dollars each year. Lexa and Anya were adopted when they were babies, so they never met their birth parents, but they never had any intention. Indra and Gustus were their parents as far as they were concerned._

  
_Clarke laughed, climbed on top of her girlfriend and replied, “As long as you’re a good girl.”_

  
_The next morning, Clarke was making them pancakes and bacon when she looked up and saw her gorgeous girlfriend. Lexa was wearing black leggings and a black long-sleeved shirt. “Don’t you ever wear anything other than black?” Clarke joked as she kissed her girlfriend good morning._

  
_“Nope.” Lexa smirked taking a piece of bacon._

  
“Mama!” Madi hollered, trying to get her attention. “Is it okay for me to wear all black like this for school?”

  
“Of course, baby” Clarke replied, trying to get the memory out of her head, knowing it was useless.

  
It’s been almost 5 years since Lexa left, sending Clarke a letter. That was the breakup. A damn letter, with tear stains all over it. Some from Lexa while writing it, others from Clarke while reading it. She’s read it way more times than she should’ve. Even still pulls it out randomly. She’s not sure why she wants to read the letter that left her heartbroken, single and closed off. But for some reason, Clarke had hope. She was furious at Lexa, so confused after all they went through together. The plans they had for their future together, all shattered over a damn letter.

_Dear Clarke,_

  
_I hate to write this. I hate to have you read this. I never wanted this to happen like this. But, we are over. I cannot continue to be your girlfriend. I cannot contact you, nor you contact me. Please lose all my information, as it is safer for you doing so. If I ever see you again, I know you will want nothing to do with me, which I do not blame you. But if that day comes, I want a chance to explain. Explain why I left. Explain why I had to write this letter. And explain why I had to leave my best friend and the love of my life. I wish I was home, but things are different._

_I’ll always love you Clarke Elizabeth Griffin._

_Love,_  
_Lexa_

That night Clarke needed a drink. After replaying all the memories, the letter, the love of her life and her long shift at the hospital, she needed a night at the bar. Her best friend’s boyfriend’s bar which was even better which meant free drinks. She took Madi to stay the night with her mom, and texted Raven and Octavia, telling them to meet up at the bar.

  
By the time the two got there, they saw Clarke down a shot of tequila and take the lime.

  
“Oh fuck.” Raven muttered to Octavia, who shook her head in response. They knew tequila was her and Lexa’s drink, she hasn’t drunk that since Madi was a little over a year old and she looked exactly like a little Lexa, a little drunk Lexa at that, running all around the house, stumbling everywhere since she was just learning to walk.

  
Octavia went behind the bar to find Lincoln. She pulled him over to the hallway and glared at him. “Lincoln what the fuck! Why is Clarke drinking tequila and why the fuck are you serving it to her?! What did she say when she came in?!”

  
Lincoln knew the second he saw his girlfriend walk in that he was in trouble. But he felt so bad for his friend. “She walked in, eyes beat red, puffy, and sat at the bar. I offered a small hi, knowing not to push her when she’s in this state. She pointed at the bottle of tequila and mumbled ‘letter’ and ‘Lexa’ and I knew she wouldn’t take no as an answer or she would’ve got it herself.”

  
Octavia sighed, feeling so bad that her best friend went through this, and is continuing to go through this heartbreak. “Shit. Rae and I will see what we can do.” She leaned up and gave her boyfriend a kiss on the cheek.

  
When she walked back to the bar, she caught Clarke taking another shot before laying her head on Raven’s shoulder. The brunette gave Octavia a sad smile before she sat down beside Clarke.

  
“Clarke..what’s going on babe.” Octavia asked and Clarke shot up, downed another shot before looking at her friend.

  
“Madi. She..she looks just like her, O. She came out of her room today for the first time dressed in all black just like Lex did. I read the letter..again. Needed to drink. Started drinking. Now I can’t stop.” Clarke sighed and laid her head on the counter and Raven immediately rubbed her back.

  
“What would happen if you ever saw her again, Clarke?” Rae asked and Clarke just shrugged her shoulders and mumbled a response that neither one of the girls could understand.

  
“What was that, babe?” Octavia asked and Clarke sat up.

  
“Punch her, yell at her, hug and kiss her. I don’t know. Every time I read that letter I know there is something behind it, and I have hope. It wouldn’t have been stained with tears when I opened it if she wasn’t forced.” Clarke replied, and motioned Lincoln for another shot.

  
This was now Clarke’s 7th shot of tequila, and she motioned for one more when she heard the door open. She didn’t pay any attention, knowing it was a Friday night and this was the place to come to in the small town. She just downed her 8th shot of the night, about to put the lime in her mouth when she heard the voice she’s been wanting to hear for 5 years, just down the bar.

  
“I’ll have one shot of tequila please.” Said the voice.

  
Clarke couldn’t move, she couldn’t blink, she couldn’t breathe. But she forced herself to turn to her right. And she really wished she hadn’t. Because there, down at the end of the bar, was the love of her life downing a shot of tequila.

  
Clarke didn’t know what she was doing or where her feet were taking her. But before she knew it, she was behind her.

  
“Lex…Lexa?” She stuttered out. Shaking. Holding her breath as the girl stiffened and turned around.

  
“Clarke” Lexa barely breathed out. Both of their breaths smelling of their drink, just like they used to.

  
“Why are you here and why did you not fucking find me! You told me you’d find me. You told me you’d explain Lexa! Why did you leave me 5 years ago!” Clarke exclaimed, demanding answers but she knew she wouldn’t get them out of the girl. Lexa looked different, she looked even more closed off. No emotions what so ever, which Clarke thought she could never be more stoic than she was around other people when they were together. Something really happened and something really fucked up the girl she loves. She looks broken, but trying so hard to be strong. Yet, she looks like she’s ready to fall apart in Clarke’s arms just like she used to on her bad days.

  
“Clarke. You’re too drunk for me to be explaining this to you..” Lexa pleaded but Clarke wasn’t having it. She needed to hear this now.

  
Lexa sighed and walked over to Octavia and Raven, who didn’t look thrilled to see her.

  
“What do you want, Woods?” Raven bit out.

  
“Nice to see you guys too.” Lexa tried to be civil, even though this was hurting her. It was breaking her heart seeing Clarke like this, and seeing two of her good friends this cold with her. But she could only blame the past. She’s done with it. She’s not going back and she’s only working on bettering herself and getting Clarke again and seeing what she missed because she was so fucking stupid.

  
“Cut the shit Lexa. Why did you leave her like this?” Octavia chimed in and Lexa sighed.

  
“She’s too drunk for me to explain this. Trust me 1,000% when I say she needs to be completely sober and willing to listen to understand all of this. And she needs to hear it first. I want to talk to her tomorrow morning if she’s not too hungover. I just got back into town tonight, an hour before I came here if you were wondering also. I couldn’t get her out of my head and I needed a drink. I needed to remember what it was like being with her when I got back to this town. I just need to talk to her tomorrow but if she insists, I’ll tell her tonight. And tomorrow if she doesn’t remember it all, which I know she won’t.” Lexa pleaded, tears forming in her eyes but not daring them to fall, trying to get her old friends to listen.

  
Octavia softened up, seeing Lexa break but Raven remained still. “Okay. Come back to Clarke’s apartment, the same one you guys moved into during college. She never moved out. She won’t know you’re staying there. You can take the guest room, we’ll sleep with Clarke. But we’re both listening along with Clarke. Then you two can have all the time you want tomorrow before Mad-“ Octavia shuts up the second Raven jabs her into her side. “Uh nevermind. You can come back with us. Let us get Clarke.” Octavia finished up as quickly as she could and grabbed Raven’s arm to get to Clarke who was still standing in awe where Lexa left her.

  
Lexa was left behind wondering who the hell Octavia was talking about. Did Clarke have a new girlfriend? Or maybe she had a kid and she was in a serious relationship. ‘No there’s no way with the way she was drinking our drink tonight’ Lexa thought to herself. But maybe once she explained herself to Clarke, maybe she’d be forgiving and explain what she’d so desperately missed with the love of her life.

  
Lexa was pulled out of her thoughts when Clarke crashed into Lexa, clearly forgetting she just screamed at her moments ago, and was back to her lovely, clingy drunk stage, which Lexa most definitely missed. And she knew if she tried to get Clarke off of her, she’d make a huge pouty scene and she did not want to add to all the stares they were already getting tonight. So back home she went. The only place she ever called home with the only person who felt like her home. Clarke Elizabeth Griffin.


	2. The Reason

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO SO sorry for this long wait. I did not plan on it getting this long. The first 4-5 months of the year were absolutely terrible for me. I had family deaths, a break up, and some depression going on. I started to write the second chapter and my computer completely deleted everything I wrote for chapter 2 and what I started on chapter 3, and after that I didn't want anything to do with writing again. Luckily I started to get back into it and got this chapter up. I hope some of you still want to read this story and hopefully chapter 3 will not take as long...Enjoy and let me know how you like it!!

Raven got the four of them into her car and started driving them home. She made Lexa sit in the front with her, glaring at her out of the corner of her eye any chance she got. She knew that Clarke was a loving drunk, and she did not want Lexa being in the backseat with her. When she glanced in the rearview mirror, she didn’t expect anything differently; Clarke was cuddled into Octavia’s side. They gave Clarke a bottle of water to drink during the drive to the apartment to help sober her up for the much needed conversation that was about to happen. 

Raven soon pulled into the parking lot of the blonde’s apartment building and the four got out of the car. Raven and Octavia started to get Clarke out of the car and Lexa just stood back, watching them have to take care of her. Knowing it was all her fault that she was in this position.

Once the four got into the building and up into Clarke’s place, Raven took Clarke in her room to change into some pajamas. Octavia told Lexa to make a place on the couch to sit while she got everyone bottles of water. 

Lexa made her way to the couch to sit while taking everything in around her in the blonde’s apartment. There were pictures hanging on the wall, along with pictures on the end tables and the coffee table. Pictures of Clarke with a little girl, as well as Raven, Octavia, Bellamy, Lincoln, Jasper, Monty and some other friends of theirs from the group. There were a few toys scattered around and Lexa started to wonder if this “Mad-” girl that Octavia started to mention was Clarke’s daughter. But, before she could think any farther, Octavia wandered into the living room and sat next to Lexa giving her a sad smile.

Soon, Clarke and Raven emerged from a different room and Clarke was almost completely sober, wearing a scowl and had her arms crossed. When she sat down, Lexa noticed the t-shirt the blonde was wearing and her thoughts drifted back to when they were in Colorado for a week on winter break, their first year of college.

“Babe, it’s our last night here. Do you want to go out for dinner?” Lexa asked from the couch in their cabin. The blonde was in the kitchen, fixing them both a drink. They were out snowboarding for a few hours, Lexa was a natural and absolutely loved it. Clarke, on the other hand, did not love it with as clumsy as she was. They decided to come back an hour earlier and Lexa wanted to take the blonde out for a nice dinner.

“Lex, let’s just stay in tonight, order a pizza and cuddle all night.” Clarke smirked as she passed her girlfriend a glass of tequila. “I just wanna drink and be with you. I don’t need anything else out on the town. You’ve seriously done a lot already and didn’t let me pay.” Clarke pouted but Lexa just kissed the pout off her face.

“Alright, fine. Pizza it is, my love. I’ll call it in, you can pick a movie out.” Lexa said as she got up and made her way into their bedroom to grab her phone. 

When she got back into the living room, Clarke was sitting on the couch, sipping her drink and Lexa swore she’d never seen anything more perfect. It could’ve been from the way the sorority t-shirt hugged her perfectly, the glow from the fireplace against her skin, or the way the blonde’s hair was up in a messy bun. Lexa was just amazed that this was her life, and she couldn’t picture any other way to spend it.

45 minutes later, the two were laying in their bed, pizza completely gone, the blonde cuddled into Lexa’s side while watching some movie on Netflix. Neither were paying any attention to what was actually happening. 

Clarke seemed to have other ideas, though, than watching Netflix. She started rubbing her hand up and down her girlfriend’s thigh, while kissing and sucking her neck. “Baby. It’s our last night.” Clarke said in between kisses, which made her girlfriend shiver.

“It is, Clarke.” Lexa responded, flicking the K the way that Clarke liked. Lexa quickly took control and flipped the blonde onto her back, grinding her center into hers.

“Clothes. Off.” Clarke moaned out, trying to grab at Lexa’s shirt which caused the brunette to chuckle and lean back to remove her clothing. Once they were both stripped of their clothing, Lexa went over to her bag to grab a condom, and slipped it on her shaft.

“You’re so beautiful, Clarke.” Lexa whispered against the blonde’s lips as she lined herself up with Clarke’s center. “Ready?”

Clarke moaned out as Lexa slipped inside. She wrapped her legs around Lexa’s waist and pulled her girlfriend in deeper. Lexa started picking up the pace and was soon pounding into the girl beneath her. She moved her lips to the blonde’s neck and moved her other hand down to the girl’s clit and started rubbing circles, knowing her girlfriend was close to her orgasm. 

“Fuck baby, I’m almost there! Lex” Clarke moaned out as Lexa picked up the speed and pushed her girlfriend over the edge. She continued fucking the blonde until her orgasm reached her. Both were too caught up in the moans and fucking that they didn’t realise the condom had a little tear and had a small break. Neither would know what that night would bring them in the future.

“Why are you back here?” Clarke broke the silence, bringing Lexa out of her memory.

Lexa started to shuffle around on the couch, “I, uh, I just got back from overseas, Clarke..” And by the look on the blonde’s face, as well as Raven and Octavia’s, they were not expecting that as an answer.

“What do you mean overseas?!” Octavia blurted out. 

“Well you all know after I graduated I went into the Army. I had my basic training, then my job training, and I was going into the reserves.” Lexa started out before being interrupted by the blonde.

“Yeah I remember having to go to homecoming and prom alone my senior year. Luckily you made it just in time for me to walk across the stage at graduation.” Clarke scoffed and looked away.

“I know that Clarke.” Lexa answered with a sigh. “And I apologized enough for that already, so can we please get over that?” Lexa got a small nod, which was good enough for her in that moment. “Now obviously after you guys graduated, you all 3 went to Polis University, where I was also attending. We were all in our first year and we finished our first semester, Clarke and I going off to Colorado for a week for winter break.”

Clarke just mumbled something that sounded like “life changer” but Lexa couldn’t understand for sure, reminding herself to question the blonde on that later. 

“After I dropped you off that night and went back to my place, there were 2 men at my door, waiting for me. I didn’t have any choice but to give in to them, it was my duty to protect my people. I was called. I cannot give you all the exact details, as it is classified, but I will tell you that I do not regret anything that happened, as everyone I loved and cared for was not in danger, as long as I had zero contact with them. I had 5 minutes to pack a few clothes, my toothbrush, and anything else that was a necessity. I was told not to bring anything that could put myself or others in danger, but I grabbed your picture, Clarke. The one I kept in my wallet, I took that with me. I know I could’ve put you in danger if the enemy found that but that’s what kept me going every day. Once I got overseas to Azgeda, I promised myself I would look at your picture and kiss it every day and come back home to you. I know I had to send that letter, I was forced to, because if the enemy knew I had anyone close to me, they would’ve sent someone for you and I couldn’t have that. I needed to make sure you deleted everything of me off of every social media site you had, off of anything that they could’ve got ahold of on you. I even had to send a letter to Anya. I told her to tell mom and dad everything, and for them not to speak of me to anyone. I’m sorry Clarke.” Lexa finished her long speech, shaking and starting to let the tears fall. She didn’t want to fall apart like this, especially after building herself up and all the hard work she did for 5 years, but she couldn’t help but fall apart after explaining everything to her love.

“I never expected that to be the reason, Lexa..” The blonde started saying, but couldn’t finish her sentence as she started to cry.

Raven, being her blunt self, stood up and started pacing the room before firing off question after question. “How the hell do we know that you won’t have to leave again? What else happened during those 5 years? Why couldn’t you just explain to Clarke in the letter? You could still be with her and with all of us if you just explained!”

Octavia jumped up and grabbed Raven before speaking “Rae, calm down. How about we leave the two of them alone for a few minutes. I think Lexa and Clarke have some talking to do themselves.” Lexa gave her a small, tight-lipped smile before the two girls walked down the hall.

“Raven’s right.” Brought Lexa back into the conversation. “How am I supposed to know that within a year, you wouldn’t get called to go somewhere else for a mission? I mean you were suppose to be in for 8 years, and it’s been 6.”

“I got an early release from the Army. I was reserves, so I wasn’t supposed to be the first ones they picked for missions, but because of my scores in everything, they thought I would be a good fit for the job. I was with 19 others for 5 years. We all got out early. We made things happen overseas, and we did a lot of good. But I won’t have to leave again, Clarke.” Lexa finished and looked up to see Clarke let out a relieved sigh.

“So you can’t tell me everything that happened over there?”

“I wish I could, Clarke. And I know that you wouldn’t say anything to anyone, not even Raven or Octavia, but I could put you in a lot of danger if you knew any of the specifics that happened.” Clarke just nodded along with Lexa’s answer, knowing that she couldn’t know everything. Lexa had told her that when she first joined the Army, that there would be things she couldn’t discuss with her.

“I know that a lot has changed over the years, Lexa, and I’m sure you’re here wanting to take me back. But I’ve changed, and my life is completely different from when you left. I had a life changing event happen, it stopped me from going to school for a year, but luckily I finished. I just graduated a few weeks ago, actually. I’m a doctor, and I made my dreams come true.” 

Lexa nodded and put her head down towards the ground. “I’m happy for you Clarke, I’m so proud of you. And I wish so badly I could’ve been there for you. But what big event happened to you?” Curiosity got the best of Lexa.

Clarke shifted in the chair at the question before answering “Can we maybe save that for a different talk a different day?” Lexa just nodded, not wanting to pressure Clarke. “There was another question that Rae asked..”

“What’s that?”

“Why didn’t you just explain to me in the letter? Why couldn’t you just tell me you were away, overseas, and that I could be in danger and to delete everything about you but we still could’ve been together.”

Lexa sighed. “Clarke.. There was a soldier there, watching everything I wrote down to you. He knew how hard of a time I was having with your letter. I wrote to Anya first, knowing hers wouldn’t be as hard. But I cried so hard writing yours and the soldier was screaming at me. I couldn’t tell you to wait for me, even though I hoped you would. I couldn’t tell you that in case I didn’t come back home to you, Clarke. I didn’t want to make you wait for years, when I didn’t know how long I was going to be gone.” 

Clarke just nodded, hearing everything she needed to tonight. “I don’t care if you sleep here tonight or if you go home Lexa. I don’t hate you anymore, I’m hurt but now that I know why you were gone, I can’t hate you. I can’t promise you anything, I don’t even know what you’re like anymore, but it’s a possibility down the road. I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk to you about my life. Goodnight, Lex.” Clarke smiled, gave her a small kiss on the cheek, before disappearing down to her room where Raven and Octavia were waiting.

Lexa couldn’t help the tears that rolled down her cheeks, hand holding the spot where Clarke kissed her, as she got up and walked out the door, locking it behind her.


	3. While You Were Gone

Clarke was once again zoning out. It had been 2 weeks since Lexa had came back to town. Thanksgiving had gone by and they celebrated it with the entire gang, just like usual. It was the end of November, less than a month until Christmas. Meaning Lexa left 5 years ago, and she had no idea how to tell the other girl that she has a daughter. 

“Babe?” She heard being called, snapping her out of her thoughts of her ex girlfriend, and bringing her back into reality, with her current girlfriend, Niylah. They were having coffee at the small cafe in town, during both of their breaks at work.

Clarke hummed and took a sip of coffee before glancing at her phone. She wasn’t sure what she was checking for, her and Lexa didn’t have each other’s numbers so she wouldn’t be texting her. She needed to focus on Niylah and not Lexa.

“Are you ever gonna tell me about her coming back?” She heard the blonde ask.

Clarke sighed before looking up. Niylah was beautiful, and Clarke was as happy as she could be. Everyone loved her girlfriend; her friends, her mother, and her daughter. So why was Clarke struggling to talk about this topic? She knew her friends had told her girlfriend that Lexa was back, and Niylah wasn’t too thrilled, and it definitely didn’t help that Clarke wouldn’t talk about her.

“Clarke, please. I’ve known for 2 weeks that she’s been back. Raven told me that night. I know that you’re hurt and you’re bothered, but please don’t leave me out of this. I just want to know that we’re going to be fine and that you’ll talk to me.” Niylah tried to get her girlfriend’s attention once more.

Clarke sighed again. “I don’t know how to talk about it Niylah. I loved her, I still care for her obviously, she’s the mother to my child. I hated her for almost 5 years, and now she’s back and tells me that she was overseas and I could be in danger for knowing everything. How am I supposed to hate her for leaving after knowing that! I don’t even know how to tell her about her daughter, Niylah. She deserves to know. She’s going to beat herself up about it and I’m going to have to be there for her, she’s going to need a friend. Obviously Anya hasn’t said anything to her about Madi, she knows that’s not her place. But I just don’t know how.” Clarke finished her rant and took a chance to look at her girlfriend. She looked calm, like always, but Clarke could tell she was nervous. Her eyes gave that away. 

“Do I need to be worried, Clarke?” 

Clarke shrugged before reaching over the table and placing her hand over Niylah’s. “I don’t know… I don’t think so. I love you, Niylah. You’ve been there for the two of us for 2 years now. Just because she’s back home doesn’t mean I’m going to leave you. I don’t even know what she’s like anymore.”

“It’s been 2 years for us, Clarke. But you still haven’t asked me to move in. And you won’t move in with me because your place is too important to you.” Niylah finished sadly, removing her hand from underneath her girlfriend’s and standing up to leave.

Clarke jumped up out of her chair and moved in front of the blonde, stopping her from leaving. “Niylah, I promise I will. Just give me a little bit more time to think about this, ok? I need to find a way to be with you, but tell Lexa about Madi. I just need some time. I love you.”

“I love you too, Clarke. And I will give you some more time, but just know I can’t wait forever.” Niylah told her before giving her a sad smile and kissing her goodbye on the cheek before leaving the cafe and heading back to work.

~~~~~~

Later that night, as Clarke finished reading to Madi and tucked her in, Clarke thought it was time to talk about Lexa. “Hey honey. I know I’ve never talked about this, but I think it’s time now. Would you like to know your other mommy?”

Madi scrunched up her face in thought. “I thought Niylah was. You love her and you kiss her.” 

“Yes baby, I do love her and I do kiss her. But she wasn’t the first one that I loved and that I kissed. Niylah has been such a good help and she will continue to be a help. But I think you should get to meet your other mommy, if you want to. You look and you act exactly like her.” Clarke smiled and Madi once again scrunched up her face. “She used to make that same face when she was thinking things over.”

“Why wasn’t she ever here?” The little girl asked and Clarke thought about how she was going to respond to that.

“Well honey. She was away for a very long time. At the time, I didn’t know why she left, and we broke up. She doesn’t know about you yet though. I saw her 2 weeks ago, she’s back in town for good. And if you want to meet her, I think we should both tell her about you and how special you are. I think you two will really like each other.” 

Madi thought it over and nodded before yawning. “Sure mama. I’ll meet her. Do you think she’ll like me?” 

Clarke smiled before kissing her daughter. “I know she’s going to love you. Goodnight baby, I love you.”

“Love you too mama.” Madi said before Clarke turned off the lights and closed the door. 

She made her way down to her bedroom and took out a box from under her bed. It was full of Lexa’s stuff. Stuff she never wanted to get rid of. She pulled out her favorite picture of Lexa and held it to her chest. She mumbled “Please forgive me” and started crying as she thought of how Lexa will take the news.

~~~~~~

Clarke texted Anya the following morning asking for Lexa’s phone number. It was a Saturday, a beautiful but cold winter day. She wanted to see if Lexa wanted to meet up for lunch at Grounder’s, Madi’s favorite pizza place.

Clarke: Hey Lexa, this is Clarke. I know this is kinda last minute, and if you have plans already I understand. But, uh, I was wondering if you’d like to meet at Grounder’s for lunch at 12:30? There’s a few things we need to talk about.

It was 8 in the morning now. She had 4 hours until she would have to leave. She was nervous and Lexa hasn’t even responded yet. She had no idea how her ex girlfriend, the mother of her child, was going to react when she told her. She just really didn’t want Lexa to beat herself up about it. She decided to leave her phone in her room while she went and got Madi up and around for the day. 30 minutes later, she had her little girl bathed, dressed, hair and teeth brushed, and eating cereal when she went to grab her phone. 

Her heart sped up a little when she saw she had 2 missed texts from Lexa.

Lexa: Good morning, Clarke. I was suppose to get lunch with Anya today, I’m afraid I can’t make it. I’m sorry but maybe we could grab dinner tonight?

Lexa: Nevermind, apparently Anya knows what’s going on and canceled when I texted her??? 

Clarke just chuckled before typing out a response.

Clarke: Yeah, I texted Anya this morning for your number and she already said she would cancel your lunch date. See you in 4 hours, Lexa :)

Clarke sent the text and put her phone in her back pocket before going out in the living room to play with her daughter. 

3 and a half hours later and Clarke and Madi are walking down the street to Grounder’s. Madi has been so excited since Clarke told her this morning that she’d get to meet her other mommy. 

“So she won’t have to go away again, right mama?” The little girl asked as she swung their hands back and forth. 

“No baby, she’s here to stay. But I need you to know something first.” Clarke started as she crouched down in front of her little girl. “Your mommy isn’t going to live with us, ok? I’m still going to be seeing Niylah. But you and your mommy will be able to see each other too, if you both want to. Remember that your mommy doesn’t know about you so don’t ask her a lot of questions, we don’t want to scare her.” When her little girl just nodded, Clarke gave her a kiss and stood up before walking down the rest of the street to Grounder’s.

When she looked in the windows, she saw Lexa already there. She figured she’d show up early, she always did when she was nervous. Lexa’s back was facing the windows so she didn’t get to see the blonde. She pointed her out to Madi before opening up the door to go inside. She told the waitress that she was meeting someone and they walked over to the booth.

Lexa looked up from her phone upon hearing someone and she smiled when she saw the blonde, however her smile faltered when she looked down at the little girl who was clinging to her hand for dear life. 

“Hey Lexa.” Clarke offered awkwardly, but Lexa couldn’t say anything back. 

“Wow! Mama was right and we do look a lot alike!” Madi blurted out, quickly covering her mouth when she realized she wasn’t supposed to scare her mommy. 

Clarke crouched down and uncovered Madi’s hand from her mouth. “Honey, remember what I had told you?” Madi nodded and quickly apologized to Clarke before she helped the little girl climb in the booth.

Lexa still had her mouth open before stuttering “M-mama? We?” 

Clarke nodded and looked down at Madi who was smiling at Lexa from across the table. “This is Madi, Lexa. Your little 5 year old girl. Our girl.” Clarke said and she could see the tears form in Lexa’s eyes.

“Oh my god.” Lexa whispered and couldn’t stop looking between her little girl and Clarke. “I can’t believe I have a daughter.”

“This was what I was talking about a couple weeks ago. About a big life event happening. Well, here she is. This little squirt changed my life, and will now change yours.” Clarke smiled as she ruffled Madi’s hair.

“How?” Lexa whispered once again.

“That last night in Colorado. I’m not sure what happened, if it broke or what, but she was born a couple weeks early, in September. She just turned 5, Lex.”

Madi smiled when she heard her mama talk about her turning 5. “I had a big party with all my aunties and uncles. Even grandmas and grandpa. I love unicorns and had a big pinata from auntie Raven. Auntie Anya and Auntie O brought me a big big cake and mama got me a bike! Grandma Indra and Grandpa Gus helped me pin the tail on the donkey!” Madi started ranting off about her big birthday and how excited she was.

Clarke looked up to see Lexa’s tears falling freely down her cheeks and she didn’t even care to wipe them away. “My parents know about her, Clarke?”

“Of course, Lex. We were all worried after you had left and we didn’t know what happened.” Clarke gave Madi her cell phone and turned on a game for her while she got up and sat next to Lexa in the booth across the table. “We were so heartbroken, we didn’t know what to do. I knew about Anya’s letter, she told me you wrote to her too. So of course I stuck around your family. After a month of you being gone, I noticed I hadn’t had my period. I got scared. I took tests and they all came back positive. I called your phone just to hear your voice and it helped get me through the pregnancy. Your family all did, along with my mom and all our friends.” Clarke finished and rested her hand on top of Lexa’s.

“I’m so so sorry Clarke. God, if I would’ve known that I would’ve been a mother when I was 19 years old, I wouldn’t have joined the Army. I could’ve been there, we could’ve raised our little girl together if I didn’t join.” Lexa started to beat herself up and this is exactly what Clarke thought was going to happen.

The waitress chose that moment to interrupt and take their orders. They settled with Madi’s favorite, which also happened to be Lexa’s favorite. A large pepperoni, bacon, pickle and pineapple pizza, and a side of breadsticks. 

Once the waitress left, Clarke picked the conversation back up. “Hey, no. None of that. You did what was best for your life Lexa. You followed your dreams, you always loved the Army. You talked about it all the time, I would’ve never let you not join. That was your duty, Lex. And now you’re out, right?” Lexa nodded and Clarke smiled. “You’re not going to leave us again, I know that, and Madi knows that. But you need to understand that. We can’t change the past, what’s done is done, but we can change the future. And you can be here for your daughter to make up for lost time. And trust me, she’s very excited to know you.” Clarke smiled and looked over at her daughter, who was too busy playing a game on Clarke’s phone to hear them.

Soon Clarke’s phone began to ring and Madi passed it over to her mama. Lexa looked down at the contact and her stomach dropped at the picture. It was a girl kissing Clarke’s cheek and Clarke smiling bright into the camera. The name ‘Niylah <3’ filled the top of the screen and Clarke looked up apologetically before standing up and taking the call. 

“That’s mama’s girlfriend. Her name is Niylah. She’s really nice.” Madi commented and shrugged. Lexa glanced down at her daughter and listened, knowing she wasn’t finished. “She’s been with us for 2 years now, maybe longer. But mama’s been different the last couple days, and I don’t think Niylah is very happy with this.”

Lexa looked up at Clarke and she could tell the blonde was not having a good phone call. She thought that maybe that was a sign that things could work in their favor, eventually. “With me, you mean?” She found herself asking Madi.

The little 5 year old just nodded. “Her and mama love each other, but I don’t want Niylah to be mad. I always thought she was my other mommy, cause I didn’t know about you. But I think I’m glad you’re my other mommy. We look so much alike. And mama says we act just alike too.” Madi smiled up at Lexa who tried to mirror her smile, even though she wasn’t as happy as her little girl was.

“Yeah squirt, I’m think I’m glad I’m your other mommy, too.” Lexa breathed out.

“Hey Auntie Anya always calls me squirt!” 

Lexa just chuckled at her and that’s when the blonde decided to come back to the table, looking rather annoyed but trying to cover it up. 

“Sorry I had to take that.” She said without looking into Lexa’s eyes. She knew that the older girl saw the screen, and she didn’t have to explain herself, but she wanted to. Just not right at this minute. 

Luckily, the waitress came and placed their order on the table. Madi and Clarke both took a huge slice of pizza and a breadstick, while Lexa settled for a small piece. She wasn’t too hungry to eat anymore and dismissed herself for the restroom for a quick break.

She splashed some water on her face and told herself to get it together. ‘Clarke has a damn girlfriend, it’s not going to happen. 2 fucking years, or longer!’ She told herself. She washed her hands and cleaned up her face again before heading back to the table. 

Clarke eyed her cautiously as she came back but Lexa wouldn’t make eye contact with her, which made her heart ache a bit. She watched as Lexa took small bites of the pizza and got to know Madi a little better.

She found out that her favorite sports were soccer and basketball, and she wanted to play both when she grew up. She learned her favorite color was blue, and she loved reading. Her best friend was Jordan, who Lexa found out was Monty and Harper’s son. She loved going to the park and the zoo. All things that Lexa loved as well.

When they finished up their pizza, Lexa insisted on paying and after a little arguing, Clarke let her with the promise of her buying Lexa a coffee sometime. They walked outside together and it felt like a family. Something that they all 3 eventually wanted. 

“Mama can mommy come see all my toys?” Madi asked, hanging onto Lexa’s hand and giving Clarke her puppy dog eyes.

“Baby, you have a playdate with Jordan, remember? I’m supposed to take you to Uncle Monty’s. Maybe your mommy can come over another day and play with us.” Clarke suggested and Madi was satisfied, excited to be going to her friends.

Lexa thought that maybe she and Clarke could talk a little bit more, just the two of them. “Hey Clarke, would you, uh, maybe want to grab that coffee later that you promised me?” She smiled a little, trying not to get too nervous.

Clarke laughed before replying, “Of course. Let’s go drop Madi off first.” 

Lexa drove there, but then realized she didn’t have a carseat. She put a mental note to go buy one tomorrow. So she left her car outside of Grounder’s and they all walked back to Clarke’s apartment. They got into Clarke’s car and drove to Monty and Harper’s place, who were excited to see Lexa. She got to meet Jordan and realized she sure missed a lot within 5 years. Monty and Harper got married 2 years ago, both Madi and Jordan were the little flower girl and ring bearer in their wedding. They had Jordan 5 months after Clarke had Madi and the 2 of them have been best friends ever since.

Once they left Monty and Harper’s house, the two girls went to the small cafe, ordered their coffees, and sat at a small booth.

“So, what’re you doing for work now that you’re home?” Clarke asked the brunette, wanting to know a little more about her.

“I actually got a job down at the police station earlier this week. With all of my training from the Army I was eligible. I’m also going to start back at Polis next fall and finish up my law degree.” Lexa smiled thinking about her future as a lawyer. 

Clarke’s smile matched Lexa’s as she spoke up. “That’s awesome Lex! I’m happy for you.” 

“Thank you” Lexa blushed before busying herself with her coffee. 

“So I hate to bring this up but we should talk about it…. I know you saw my phone earlier at lunch.” Clarke sighed 

Lexa nodded without looking up from her coffee. “Yeah. Madi told me a little about her. I’m happy for you.” Lexa whispered the last part of her sentence.

“Thanks. She, uh.. She knows you’re back. I obviously told her about you when I started seeing her, because of Madi. But once you came back, my friends told her you were here. I haven’t talked to her much and I don’t know what’s going on between us right now. I think she’s nervous and worried but she won’t actually tell me.” Clarke finished off, taking a big drink of coffee to help calm her down.

Lexa sighed. “I don’t want to stand in the way of your relationship, Clarke. I want you to be happy. I just got home 2 weeks ago, and I was gone for almost 5 years before that. Please don’t let me come between your relationship. If she makes you happy, then that’ll make me happy enough. She was there when I couldn’t be. Don’t push her away, Clarke.”

It broke her heart to tell the love of her life that. All she wanted when she came back home was to try to win the blonde back. At first, she thought she had a good chance knowing Clarke didn’t hate her anymore after knowing the reason. Then finding out they have a daughter together, it started her day perfectly. But her heart broke knowing the blonde was in a serious relationship, and it was continuing to break by telling her exactly what she didn’t want to say.

Clarke shook her head, she couldn’t hear that. “Lexa, I’m so fucking confused. I’m confused with absolutely everything. I hated you for almost 5 years. 5 years later and I can’t hate you. I know why you had to leave now and I just can’t hate you. I’m in a relationship with a wonderful woman, who I do love, but I don’t know what I want. I can’t ask her to move in with me, but I also can’t give our place up. I promised her but I can’t make that promise. And seeing how much Madi loved you the very first time you two saw each other filled my heart with something that I haven’t felt in so long.” 

“Clarke don’t.” Lexa pleaded. “I can’t hear this.. I want to hear it but I can’t. I can’t be the person to make your decisions for you. Just like you would’ve never talked me out of my dreams, I can’t talk you out of yours. Our lives changed the day I left, and now you have to do what’s best for you. Talk things out with her and I’ll be here when you want. We’ll rebuild our friendship and our trust. We don’t know what we’re like anymore.”

Clarke just nodded, knowing she can’t expect Lexa to make any decision for her. “Well for now, we’ll do things for Madi, together. It’s going to take me a long ass time to figure anything out.” 

“I know, Clarke.” Lexa gave a small, sad smile before getting ready to stand up. “I should get going, thank you for the coffee.”

“Oh uh, it was no problem. Thanks again for lunch.” Clarke smiled as they both walked out of the cafe. “Would you like a ride to your car?”

“No thanks, I’ll walk there. Clear my head a little after everything that’s happened today. I’ll talk to you later.” Lexa waved goodbye before turning and walking down the street, leaving Clarke behind watching her go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think and what you're hoping for next!!


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